When it all turns to custard

What do you do when it all turns to custard? Sometimes it's nice when other people realise you're sitting custard before you do. Sometimes you're just just sitting in it, you're actually sleeping in it, drowning in it. And you might have absolutely no idea.

If you're playing poker, you learn to mask your emotion. I might feel ecstatic at the Aces I've been dealt, but I wear that stern face of concentration as to not give myself away. I'll equally wear that stern face of concentration when I get a "Scotty flush" of a two and a seven - the most hopeless hand (back when I used to play poker regularly, I had a good mate Scotty who seemed to bet high regardless of his hand, so this aweful hand became known as the Scotty flush).

It reflects well the Chinese philosophy of "round on the outside, square on the inside" (something which I've considered as a tattoo - a square inside a circle). On the outside one must portray a round fluid calmness, no edges, no sharpness, able to deflect anything... but inside, one must be sharp, precice and accurate in their thinking.

But perhaps this internalisation of the acurateness and externalisation of round calmness encourages a false sense of being fine. Not false in the sence of pretending, but false in the sense that you don't even recognise when the custard hits the fan and you're drowning in custard, because you're used to being fine no matter what, so you must be fine.

Recently at work the subject of death came up; unnexpected, unanticipated, unwarranted death. And a colleague asked me if I believe in an afterlife. It was a difficult question! Not one I've thought about in a long time. Ultimately, the answer (I'm perhaps a little ashamed to say) is no. But I'm in two minds. I was raised an Irish Catholic, and was taught to believe in God, Jesus the Holy Ghost and Heaven. And my father died when I was a teenager, which makes it even harder to not believe in an afterlife. In response to that I was asked whether I've ever seen him since he died... It took me a few seconds to actually comprehend the question, but what I was being asked was whether I had seen him as a ghost or apparition... My initial thought was, are you serious? I'm not nuts? I don't see dead people...! But then perhaps with a little more thought, maybe I do.

The thing that brings me closest to my Dad is music. There are two types of music that do this most: music that he liked, and music that reminds me of him. Surprisingly the music that he liked doesn't invoke the same emotion in me as the music that reminds me of him. And the song that really hits that spot the most and can almost always bring a tear to my eye is not a song that Dad would have liked in the slightest... It's a British hip hop song by the Streets called "We Never Went to Church"... The song is about how he lost his dad, but Dad left "nothing to remind me of you". But as the song goes on, he notes how much he is like his father, and the killer line is "Yeah, you left me to remind me of you". Powerful stuff.

Oh wow, this wasn't going to be a blog about my dad, but there we go.

Where was I going again? Squares and circles? Tattoos even...? Appreciate the sauce? What? Yes, um... let's see if I can get back there again. Sometimes life falls off the rails, and you're swimming in custard but you have no idea. But if you have good people around you, they will notice, and they will point it out. Today a good group of people let me know that I was probably swimming in custard, and I just needed some time out and a few good chats. I'm not in the custard any more. So I guess that's the beneift of having good people around you. If I didn't have good people around me, I guess I might have kept sinking into the custard, and eventually been drowning in it.

I'm not sure I really hit the spot with this blog. But I'll publish it anyway.

When drowning in custard, always appreciate the sauce.

Mindfulness, Intermittent Fasting, Speed Reading, Bulletproof, Bodybuilding...

The world is changing. So many things to consider, so much information, and yet how can I really know what to believe?

Over the last year I have taken an interest in mindfulness, intermittent fasting, speed reading, bulletproof coffee, bodybuilding, calorie counting, white wine, and a range of other things. And given most of them up. And picked them up again.

I've listened to podcasts, read books, read blogs, changed lifestyle, achieved results.... and yet, I still don't know what's real and what's not. Everyone seems to claim that what they say is backed by science, but when you really look into it, not much of it is very convincing science.

It comes back to appreciating the source, but more importantly appreciating the sauce. When it comes down to it, does it really mattter about the fundamental underlying science if the thing works for you? Mindfulness... Yep, another bullshit hipster term that means nothing to most people... but it's about appreciating everything. Drink a beer, and actually think about the flavours in there and appreciate every mouthful. Eat a meal and think about textures, flavours, combinations of every chunk of marinated plant and animal you consume. Sitting in a room, appreciate the colour of the paint on the wall, the bird in the tree outside the window. It makes a difference. Who cares if there's science or not to back it - you do it and you realise it actually changes you in a positive way. Appreciate the sauce.

Intermittent fasting... Can find a hundred reasons why it's amazing for you and a hundred counter arguments about why it's terrible. But I did it for 6 months and felt amazing. Brain felt more switched on, lost weight, became healthier, and never really felt like I was dieting. Wife did it and hated it. Works for me, so I think it's good... Again, who cares about the science.

Speed reading... Don't like it. Read in chunks instead of individual words. Use your finger to pace through. Try to see the words without reading them aloud in your mind. Lose the inner voice and just read... To be fair these techniques work, and I can read detailed stuff more quickly and take most of it in, so I do use it for studying and working. But when I'm reading fiction for fun, which I do every night before sleep, I actually like to read word by word, hearing the inner voice narrating the story. I'm reading Lord of the Flies at the moment, and I like hearing Piggy's fat, high pitched, British schoolboy voice in my mind as I read.

Bulletproof coffee! Is it consistent with intermittent fasting? Does it break your fast? Who cares. A slog of butter and some MCT oil blitzed with a coffee, against logic, tastes incredible and functions well as a breakfast substitute, leaving me feel like my brain is functioning at full capacity for the day without the lethargy or bloating that sometimes comes along with a big breakfast. (Don't get me wrong, there's nothing better than bacon, eggs, avocado and tomato on a big slab of sourdough).

And finally, calorie counting, and using a phone app to count fat, protein and carbohydrate intake. I did it as part of an 8 week challege, and became a little obsessed with it. It may have health benefits, but it definitely has mental health side effects, and for me - I've decided I'm better off without it. So no more calorie counting (for now anyway).=

Where will this next bit of life take me??

www.headspace.com 
www.jimkwik.com
www.ashmullenfitness.com
www.bulletproof.com
www.thefast800.com

Alive

Appreciate the Sauce has returned. There is a small story behind the name, relating to the Chinese idiom "when drinking water, always appreciate the source". This is a powerful little phrase, and something often overlooked in our increasingly gen Y dominated world. I like it, because if I think about the little river that runs just by my house (not that I drink from it), it is a nice little mind-wander to think about where the source of the water really is... How far upstream is the source? And how does the water come to be at this source? Stopping to appreciate the source always adds a bit of value to the day.

I saw this misquoted one day as "when drinking water, always appreciate the sauce". I liked the typo. Appreciate the sauce. Because, if we change the metaphor from water to food, I guess it still holds. Eat your food, and stop to appreciate the sauce. Would your lasagne, or eggs benedict, or chicken stir fry be much without the sauce? If you removed the sauce from almost any big meal, you would be left with plain bland ingredients. The sauce gives the vibrance, the flavour, the character, nay, the essence to a dish. So take a moment, appreciate the sauce.

Anyway, this little rant is what this blog is about. Rants about nothing. The mind wanderings of a guy.